Lovestruck

On By Swarn GillIn Love, Prose and Poetry

there you are, thin and striking
a bright streak
momentary and wonderful
static electricity felt everywhere
each cell of my body
reminding me that I’m charged
guilty as charged
for opening up the Earth below
the trees, the towers
the peaceful church steeples
me standing tall in a field
so much potential
but only being allowed to touch
and never stay

how is it possible that what you are
is the very thing you are afraid of?
you said you were apt to bolt
boy you weren’t lyin’
but what I didn’t know
you were running away from you
more than you ran from me
I was wired and you were tired
unable to prevent the angry winds
from blowing you away

do those winds encircle you
it’s a hostage situation
can you get away long enough
to cure your Stockholm Syndrome?
does pain laugh at your laughing
do your wounds respond to healing
do the burdens keep you kneeling
you keep striking at the air
while your courage falls to the ground
crushing fragile flowers eager for rain

no clothes,
no close,
but so close

I almost brought you down
almost is never enough
but we both deserved better
a distant roll of thunder
a gaze in the distance of a dying storm
a moment to feel heat
an instant to breathe in the vapor
a rain soaked embrace
lingering a little longer
would it have killed you to give us that?

what is one to do with love
that makes you feel like King and Queen
when you are without a country
sitting on cardboard thrones?
and as the tears fall from the sky
we watch them dissolve into nothing

I chose to face wrathful clouds
and I saw such beauty in the maelstrom
and though you struck me hard
you hardened me like glass
and in those semi-opaque reflections
we hold, we sip, we float
we laugh in the shade of life
cool scents of vapor and green
and in the distance under blue skies
destruction seeks its instrument
and though darkness beckons you home
we tremble and feel no fear

73 thoughts on “Lovestruck”

  1. I love this poem – reminds me a lot of what I wrote when younger. In response to this “You were running away from you, More than you ran from me” I would offer (not that I was asked), “Always.” If there is a connection, the closer it gets, the more one is faced with oneself. In totality. It’s the one thing that either binds people together or drives them apart. And always more layers to explore or reject, as the case may be. In my humble opinion, anyhow. Aloha, Swarn, glad to have ‘discovered’ your world.

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    1. Thank you belas for your kind words and keen insight. I agree with you. “Always” I think though, and I could be wrong, there is something in the way we approach love…the hope, or the perhaps the innocence it provokes, that always thinks that love overcomes these inner obstacles and that we internalize when things fall apart.

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      1. My presumption is that this is also a product of the stage we’re at in life. I guess some never grow out of that romantic notion – not truly meeting another where they stand, so to speak, but gazing through the lens of their own expectations, hopes, dreams, whatever (wounds, etc. etc.). I love David Richo’s take on relationships: http://davericho.com. So rich. Years ago, I interviewed him twice, once on his “How to be an Adult in Relationships.” Makes total sense to me 😉 Enjoy your weekend, Swarn!

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        1. Thank you for the link I’ll check it out. Personally I don’t think I’ll ever grow out of it that romantic notion. Because often I know better, but there is also a level we can rise to when we hope the best about each other, and I’d hate to cut off that potential. I feel like we are talking about two different elements, but who can easily define the parts of love that excite us the most, when so many emotions are happening at once. I am a sappy person and love the romance, I’m okay with picking up the mess afterwards. 🙂 You have a lovely weekend too. I also read one of your poems, and loved it, but have yet had the time to fully introduce myself to your blog. 🙂

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  2. I kept hearing echoes of an old Amy Mann song in this one, Swarn, but I may be a bit off-beam with it. It sounds a little as if you’re playing in part with how desperation can sometimes seek escape from itself in falling hostage to romantic love, though like the moth seeking to merge into the flame, the desperation for a unity and wholeness beyond mere romance remains unsated – desperation being a self-destructive motivation. Anyway, that was what echoed within me as I read and reread – apologies for the inevitable misconstrual.

    “The moth don’t care if the flame is real
    cause flame and moth got a sweetheart deal
    and nothing fuels a good flirtation
    like need and anger and desperation”

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    1. If I’m ever going to be a proper poet I will have to simply let all interpretations be otherwise I should have just wrote a straightforward essay. Lol also its possible that I may not have understood what was writing about either and so one’s interpretation may actually teach me more than I thought. Suffice to say, I like your interpretation. 🙂

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        1. I do find that to be the case. With poetry it is less pronounced, but I would say the reasons I would write an essay are not the same reasons I would write a poem. There might be several reasons I would write a poem but the common thread would be an attempt to express a feeling which a straightforward explanation or a narrative would marginalize the intensity of that emotion, that inspiration. I’m not sure that makes any sense. But often different feelings come to us in a rush and sometimes ones that are contradictory but they seem to occupy the same space and time with in us… And if I truly want to communicate that feeling it seems I also need to represent that as well. The medium of poetry seems the best way I can do that. For some it might be a painting, a musical composition, a sculpture. I don’t claim to be an artist, but it seems when I write a poem, I am doing my emotions more justice.

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          1. Thankyou, and yes, that makes sense to me. I suppose the very greatest writers (I mean no disrespect) can successfully express feeling within prose, though it would seem to me a far more difficult medium than music. As I understand it, music (pitch and amplitude modulation) was a precursor to our development of language, and we seem to respond emotively and viscerally to it quite readily, even as babies. Once we come to words, we’re abstracted a level higher into a conceptual realm, so maybe that’s why it becomes harder to invoke feelings? Poetry, though I understand nothing of it truth, has some sort of musical parallel in that it has a metre and (usually) a balanced versification, so the word-concepts connect back to the body moreso than prose might do in descending from the intellect. Maybe this is only true (if it is at all) in respect to elementary poetic structures? I’ve only ever written four or five poems, but each was a bid to express or empathise with a very deeply felt emotion. I wouldn’t ever dream of posting them or any future attempts on a blog though – in short, my efforts are rather embarrassing. 😳

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            1. How dare you not consider me one of the greatest writers! Lol

              I agree with you, good prose can also evoke emotion and I have moved emotionally by numerous novels. Maybe a better way to say it is that, at least for me, poetry is more exploratory for emotions in the same way that writing can be exploratory for ideas. I think for me to evoke emotions through prose I would need to understand those emotions better. But I’m not sure my thoughts on the reasons for poetry match anyone else’s. I’m not sure I’m very good at prose or poetry but I do know the more I do it the better I get. I would imagine that even those with a natural talent need to practice. :). I guess I feel I just be decent enough to put what I write out there, but I’m also a good enough judge of good writing to know how far I have to go. :). As I told Esme….I think to really put together some quality prose I would really need to make it a full time job. Unfortunately I need the one I have. Lol

              And I agree there is also a rhythm to poetry that just gives it a quality that prose doesn’t match. Ultimately the marriage between music and poetry is my favorite. This is from the Alan Parsons Project first album that they did on Poe. In not sure it is a direct quote from Poe, or an Alan Parsons interpretation but it’s lovely:

              ” Shadows of shadows passing. It is now 1831, and as always, I am absorbed with a delicate thought. It is how poetry has indefinite sensations, to which end, music is an essential. Since the comprehension of sweet sound is our most indefinite conception, music when combined with a pleasurable idea is poetry. Music without the idea is simply music. Without music or an intriguing idea, colour become pallor, man becomes carcass, home becomes catacomb, and the dead are but for a moment motionless.”

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            1. This thread is hard to respond to. Anyhow, as pertains to writing poetry, Swarn – from my perspective it takes some stripping down, some confrontation of raw emotion to do so. You’re a scientist, no? Very left-brained. I’ve been tested out at almost completely right-brained (!!), so writing academic articles, which I did for some time years ago (citing sources and such) was, for me, a good exercise. A bit more linear. I’m one who interprets science philosophically. Fritjof Capra and Quantum physics fascinates. For you, I’d think that writing poetry would open up those right-brained areas to strike a lovely balance. Though it really might leave you feeling quite vulnerable. Which might be a good thing! 😉

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            2. I didn’t know there was another way to view science, but philosophically. 🙂 Philosophers used to be on the leading edge of thought in science historically. Sadly this is not often the case, but there are many philosophy programs in which students take as many courses in physics and mathematics as they do in the humanities.

              In a way I do feel vulnerable, and I do feel like it does me some good. 🙂 But I’ve never had a problem exposing myself emotionally, but rather feel vulnerable because I worry that what i have to say lacks artful skill in expression. And in general I have a nice community here, and I don’t want to be in a situation where everybody just clicks “like” on my poetry just to be nice. lol So these are the things that run through my head! But enough intelligent and talented people have said some very nice things to the point where I am starting to believe! 🙂 In the end, I still think the effort has values and worse comes to worse I can just post dirty limericks and everybody will be happy. lol

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            3. Absolutely 😉 It’s good stuff. And yes, I glaze over the ‘only likers’ here and am amazed at the grit of some of the interactions. I feel quite blessed, as I’m pretty solitary. Still, the impulse to connect comes and goes, and some days/weeks/months are more project, travel, study or garden-oriented. Lots coming up, so indulging myself in these connections of late. Glad to make your acquaintance, such as it is. And if I come and go, rest assured I’ll always be back. I really enjoy your posts and thoughts, so far! I feel as though I’ve stumbled into a cavernous little cafe somewhere. 😉 Aloha.

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          1. I relate to what Hariod said in another post — I was never much into poetry. Probably because I spent too much time trying to figure out what the author’s cryptic message was. To me, reading poetry was like reading the King James version of the Bible. Lol. With music, I can enjoy putting my own interpretation to it, but what I find the most fulfilling is to find out what the actual song meaning is — what was going on in the lives and gray matter of the musician(s). I like depth. You deliver.

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            1. Thanks! I mean in many ways I’m the same way. I like to analyze poems and lyrics and try to understand what the writer is saying. But then I also know that just because I know what they are saying I don’t necessarily connect. As I grow older I realize I’d rather connect even if my interpretation isn’t the one intended by the author. And sometimes the imagery caused by the words is enough to just sit back and appreciate. 🙂

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            2. Absolutely. You deliver on the imagery, for sure. With regard to music, I can connect to the music (composition) but then when I pay attention to the lyrics, they can contradict the imagery I got from the instrumentation alone. With poetry, I tend to read it several times, as I don’t always connect with it, but if I take the time to digest it, I am generally rewarded.

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      1. Hello Bela! That makes two of us then. I first became aware of her from the film Magnolia and went on to explore her whole back catalogue including the early work she did as ‘Til Tuesday. Unlike you, though, I spelled her name wrongly at first here. Mahalo!

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            1. Tom Cruise can actually be a really be a good actor if he’s cast into a decent role. Usually he just plays very straightforward characters. But yes Magnolia is really brilliant and well cast on all fronts. I think the same writer did the movie Crash as well, which was another well weaved story.

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            3. Magnolia was Paul Thomas Anderson’s conception (written and directed) in entirety, as I understand it, Swarn – but is there some connection to Crash I’m unaware of?

              Buy yes, you have to hand it to Cruise, in Magnolia he was frighteningly good. It made me wonder if the psychopathic nature of the role was a natural fit for him. 😮

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            7. Hi Bela! Yes, upon reflection I may have phrased that less ambiguously: “His portrayal of such repugnance was brilliant.” No, . . . no, . . . wait a minute, . . . he is brilliantly repugnant!

              Anyway, yes, the soundtrack – Jon Brion’s work, and absolutely tremendous. He went on to produce much of Aimee’s later stuff, as doubtless you know.

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      2. And Swarn, as one of those who has long written poetry, I don’t give a fig if you ‘misintrpret’ my meaning. Sometimes I don’t even know what that meaning is – the words just flow – so I find it fascinating what I’ve just written, myself. You’ve done an outstanding job, here – would be curious if you ‘care’ what others take away from your work. I just care that it touches something in them, and am always amused by what my words mean to them. Anyhow, cheers, and have a great weekend! Bela

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        1. I agree it absolutely makes no difference to me whether someone understands exactly what I was trying to convey or not. If I am writing from a very personal place especially, I would say that it would be near impossible for them to do so. I guess if someone did, then I would appreciate that connection we shared, but I’d much rather have people connect in whatever way is meaningful to them, then not connect at all. Definitely.

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  5. Nice to see a few more people who’s work I enjoy and admire overlapping here, and I have noticed it in others too. A small community begins to build eventually; you may not agree on everything, (nor is it ideal that you do), but one and all have a mutual respect and take genuine pleasure in each others words. *smiles*

    “Static electricity felt everywhere
    Each cell of my body
    Reminding me that I’m charged,
    Guilty as charged,” – Hahahaha, I like this alot, lovely spin to it, and I can see your scientific knowledge of the skies is an absolute boon in your poetry. Well done that man say I. You’re better than you think, but that seems to be a trait running through almost all the good writers I find. Even if they wouldn’t admit it *laughs*. This is also true for Hariod, who should loosen that robe a little and go wild, post some poetry!

    – esme wathcing the lightening bolting through that soaked embrace from upon the Cloud

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    1. Thankyou for your kind encouragement, Esme, but I know with a certainty that I couldn’t begin to approach the necessary levels of imagination, other than perhaps when fuelled by love and longing. I’ll happily leave it to you, to Bela, and to Swarn, meanwhilst plodding prosaically along with my arid word patterns. Besides, the muse she is afar from me, my afflatus thus a-flaccid.

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    2. “Well done that man say I” Did you get a “Wise Quotations from Yoda” calendar for Christmas? lol

      Thank you Esme for visiting my poem and for your lovely comment. I do like to show how science can be inspiring, and mix that into my poetry. In this case there is a specific reason why I chose lightning as it relates in a specific way to the experience I am writing about. While I can think of no better way to write this poem, I in some way feel like my use of lightning related references might take away from deep emotional impact of the experience.

      I agree. I do enjoy the community I’ve been building with my blog, and I have you to thank for showcasing my poem on your blog for bringing so many lovely people my way. 🙂

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      1. You’re welcome and the door swings both way Swarn (as the actor said to the bishop) *beams*

        “Did you get a “Wise Quotations from Yoda” calendar for Christmas? lol” – No, just cultured am I terribly darling. Hahahahaha

        – esme waving from upon the Cloud

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    1. This poem has become, by far the most popular thing I’ve written (much to my surprise!) but few people take the time to comment. There is no greater compliment a poet can have than knowing they evoked imagery and emotion in a reader, so I thank you very much for your words. Thank YOU for taking the time to read my poem. 🙂

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    1. Thank you so much for your kind words. This is the first person of any intergalactic fame that has come to my blog. Thus I am both pleased to have you here and also impressed that my poem popped up in an intergalactic search! 🙂 Honestly Lovestruck is by far the most liked thing of anything I’ve written and I am surprised at how people keep finding it. But however they find it, I feel fortunate to have people visit. Hopeless romantics are especially welcome. The galaxy needs hopeless romantics. I can tell you to be a lifelong hopeless romantic your heart has to be tougher than most, because love always incurs the risk of hurt, and hopeless romantics must continually weather that storm to find love again. I, personally, have always felt that it was a worthwhile trade off. 🙂

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