Where Silence Reigns

From cool blue ice She melted into the serene rill below and swirled Her way down the slope.  A cup dipped into the water and She felt Herself poured over a sun-beaten face, thick with sweat.  Thoughts lost in introspection, the man let the water drip back into the stream.  Continuing on Her journey She felt the leaves fall on Her and carried them down, down.  Some slipped away from Her fluid grasp, and others joined Her.  She came now to a bridge and looking up She saw the face of a woman who saw peace in the waters below.  A single tear landed without a sound to join the gently flowing waters.  Though no one could tell, She wept as well as She passed under the bridge downstream.  Tall soft pine waving farewells in the breeze.

It was night when She first entered the sleeping city.  Dark houses are filled with slow breaths and strange dreams while the occasional streetlight reveals nothing but strays contemplating their next meal.  Further on a key slides in noiselessly and turns as a wayward teen sneaks back into their warm home, hoping not to be heard.  While the ever vigilant and worried parent is blanketed with calm knowing their child is safe.  As city center is reached, the dawn approaches and She turns into vapor as She wafts into the street, drifting and curling around corners.  It is Sunday morning and only a few vehicles pass on towards churches whose bells call to worship.  She sighs as hidden sins enter wooden doors and quietly sits in polished pews.  A few people shuffle down deserted alleys, failing to recall clearly the boisterous activities of the night before.  An old man with newspaper in hand opens a door and She follows warm smells of roasted beans for steaming brews and feels at home for a moment.  She passes by a woman in her 40’s dressed in Sunday best, who slowly stirs her coffee feeling ignored and unknown while her husband stare into his phone to learn the minutia of teams and players in upcoming matches.  She circles in behind the counter as a barista makes conversation with a young man, who is gripped in fear for how vulnerable and in love he is with her.  He contemplates what to say, but never gets it right.  And before the ventilation takes Her out into the streets again She passes by a manager thinking about his wife and young son at home who he had to leave on a Sunday morning to come in to work in a country that doesn’t rest as much as it should.

In the day’s heat She ascends above the growing bustle and looks down upon missed connections, lost opportunities, and people who have forgotten how to listen, to breathe in the air and be thankful.  It cries to Her, or is it a song of continuous discord?  She cannot tell.  It deafens Her as She continues to rise and feels Herself condense back into cohesion.  As the noise subsides She looks down again and sees fields of green and dives down like a giant tear to the spongy earth below.  She is drawn to the roots of a tree and took asylum in the xylem as She flowed up trunk and out branch and waited.  Each day She is fed to the growing fruit, incorporating Herself into the flesh.

The sky turns above and She hears Her benefactor hum a song of patience as Her branch becomes heavier with fruit.  And each day a young girl comes to sit under the tree, hoping for better days.  Hiding from the screaming of parents and breathing in the clean air to replace that dank smell of her father’s alcohol.  And each day She hears the hope, the hiding, and the relief of the young girl sit under the tree.  She hears Her kind slide down cheeks and get wiped away on pretty dress sleeves.  She hears the slow decay of an untended farmhouse, and the façade of a mother pretending everything is alright.  And then one day, with leaves fading from green to orange, the girl sits with head between knees, shutting out the world.  The wishing to be whisked away is like a piercing scream into the sky.  Ripeness hears Her call and She has no choice but to fall to the ground.  Vibrant in Her redness, full of sugar and quenching juices.  A thud that could be heard by no other, save someone sitting under the swooping branches, and the young girl’s head turns.  A soft rumble reminds the girl she is hungry.  And there was a meeting to never forget as she, but for a moment, loses all remembrance. Each bite slow and savored and She can hear the sound of laughter as She is consumed by the young girl.  From the lattice of fruity flesh to the dendritic flow of blood.  Through lung, to ventricle and atrium, the girl and She merge together as one.

Eyelids widen in the dead of night and She slips out through door in defiant trance.  With divine strength she climbs stealthily into hills and then on to rocky slopes rising like a fog in a valley breeze.  She is sustained by Her purpose alone and through 3 days and nights she climbs and climbs until white frozen ground is beneath Her bare feet.  Soft snow shuffles and She listens between gusts of wind for the calling of Her home.  As She gazes out at the wide world, the first of the sun’s rays dance of Her face, sweet peace is like a hymn from a jubilant choir in Her ears.  She sits down on Her throne of ice and closes Her eyes in glacial contentment.

Out Under The Sky

When I Heard the Learn’d Astronomer by Walt Whitman
When I heard the learn’d astronomer,
When the proofs, the figures, were ranged in columns before me,
When I was shown the charts and diagrams, to add, divide, and measure them,
When I sitting heard the astronomer where he lectured with much applause in the lecture-room,
How soon unaccountable I became tired and sick,
Till rising and gliding out I wander’d off by myself,
In the mystical moist night-air, and from time to time,
Look’d up in perfect silence at the stars.

A friend of mine and I had a wonderful discussion about magic and perfection the other day. It got me thinking about what it means to appreciate the magic something.  For her it was about the pure and the simple.  On a wonderful little gift she gave me, the tag on the gift had the line from the following Walt Whitman poem above “from time to time, Look’d up in perfect silence at the stars”.  When I looked up the entire poem and read the words (as I had never read it before) I found it funny how much the meaning of the poem had to do with what I was sorting through in my mind (by the way this friend was a student in my Introduction to Earth Science class and wonder if there isn’t more of a message in there for me lol).  The words from the poem she shared with me are good advice.  But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I could no longer follow such advice.  Have I lost something?  Have I lost the appreciation for magic?  Am I unable to enjoy things in perfect silence?  My mind singular on the beauty I behold?  Not too long ago another blogger I follow who writes poetry that I always connect with wrote a poem about missing when life was simple called Old Happy Stars.  I do long for that.  I think we all do to a certain degree.  I also know that you can’t go back and making things feel so simple an amazing is very hard for me.

This discussion about magic came up because we were discussing Santa Claus. She was a firm believer in Santa Claus until the 4th grade, and is raising her daughter, like many people, to see all the magic that is Santa Claus.  I am someone who never once believed in Santa Claus, and thus even I were to want to give my son Santa Claus at Christmas there would be no level where I could really fake it.  I have no memories of any magic associated with Santa.  She said it’s important for children to have those magical things.  And I have to say I agree with her.  After the conversation I started to ponder what the magic was in my childhood.  I remember looking at lightning in thunderstorms and feel that it was absolutely magical.  Thunder seemed magical, the smell of rain seemed magical.  For me there was a lot of magic in the sky and I am certain I had some moments of perfect silence, even if it wasn’t actually silent.  I think sometimes in such moments we feel perfect silence because we are in perfect solitude, shutting out the rest of the world while we are singular in our focus.  When I came home I started watching my son and how amazed he is by things, whether it’s trains or the planes up in the sky.  It seems to me that even they begin to learn what these things are and what their purpose might be, they have no idea how they work.  Something that seems to moving but has no muscles, no animal-like locomotion, no feathers for flying must seem like absolute magic.  If I wasn’t forming a lot of long term memories, and I saw this metal object flying in the sky I would be pointing up every single time too in excitement.  I think, at least I hope, kids always see things as magical, even if you don’t give them Santa.  For them, every object that they’ve dropped or thrown up in the air comes down.  That plane up in the sky has to be some pretty crazy stuff to them, and what other choice do they have but to take it on faith that it will not fall down from the sky.

That thought made me happy, but I started to get a little bit sad, because I am not sure that I could just gaze at the stars in perfect silence. Because in that poem I am the Learn’d Astronomer, and if I was a student in that class I would be enthralled by the equations, the figures, and the charts.  When I look at the stars I can’t help but think what the humidity might be that is impacting their twinkle.  I would think about how far away those stars are, and how trigonometry gives us a way of telling how far away they are through stellar parallax.  I would think about how the stars are like a portal back in time, knowing that I am seeing what a star looked like 10,000 years ago, and how at that time human civilization was just dawning.   If you can’t tell already, it’s hard to quiet my mind.  I look at everything like that.  Sometimes I am wondering and questioning, maybe coming up with some hypothesis to explain what I’m seeing.  Perhaps I would make an analogy.  Or perhaps I would simply think about all the forces at work, or the history of the object, the big picture, the detailed picture, related pictures.  Sometimes I contemplate all the connections that one thing has to others.  All that comes to me in a flood and I feel overwhelmed by how amazing this universe is.  And then I started to smile, because maybe it’s not magic, but it’s still amazing.  It’s still beautiful.  I t still leaves me in awe and wonder even if I know exactly how it works and think about every variable in the equation.  And maybe for every person that walks out on the Learn’d Astronomer and enjoys that perfect silence at the stars, there is a student who stays and listens and just takes it all in and the amount of seemingly simultaneous thoughts grow like the branches of a tree.  And I’m not making a comment about level of intelligence because my friend is extremely intelligent and I feel like she experiences those moments of perfect silence frequently, perhaps even at will when she needs to.  But maybe it’s just really a different way of approaching the same beauty in life.  There are truly times when I wish I could experience such moments that Whitman describes, and so I envy her.   But maybe the beauty I see is just as enviable.

So as I began to smile I thought back to just that morning and how when I drove in to work just sliver of the crescent moon was visible as the moon waned. Often, at about an hour before sunrise, there is enough reflection of the Earth back to the moon and you can see the rest of the lunar sphere, even though it’s featureless.  Then I thought in my mind about the geometry of all 3 objects and had this model in my head.  And I decided to write a poem.  The one I just posted a few days ago.  And like magic I took all those thoughts and imagined almost like a love affair between the Earth and the moon.  So even if I stare at the moon and explain its beauty while also appreciating it, such thoughts can still inspire, still create, and still bring me a great deal of wonder that I think can be considered a type of magic.  And maybe that Learn’d Astronomer is just as lost in his world of equations and charts as the star gazer is lost in his moment of perfect silence.  Maybe it’s not so important how you experience magic in the world, but that you do experience it and never lose that ability to get lost in wonder and awe at beauty.