Instead of just getting upset and complaining I have decided to be proactive. I recently posted about the Indiana business owners who openly admitted to not wanting to serve gay people and received $500,000 dollars in donations. While such support for hateful attitudes upsets me, I have decided the best way to answer this was to try and match that by raising money in an equal amount and support a local organization in Indiana who is trying to make things better for the LGBQT community. So I started a charity fundraiser page. While a goal of $500,000 may be ambitious, and perhaps other people had the same idea, even if I raise only the money I have donated to start things off, then at least I am doing something positive I figure.
So I’m asking that you please give what you can and share this message on social media, blog sites, personal webpages, and/or e-mail. If finances won’t allow for a donation at this time, I hope you can still pass this post along and ask your friends to donate if they can. Thank you all for loving! Below is the link for donating:
I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about a particular issue in this world and I think made an important and worthwhile change of view. It’s not really a complete 180˚ turn, but I am asking questions in a different way, and feel like I am becoming more grounded about the issue. That issue is for a later post, because in trying to understand my change of heart, because I feel like my original stance is not wrong. After some soul searching I’ve come to the conclusion that the problem was that I was being too idealistic and it has lead me to think about ideals, and how we can sometimes get caught up in them and that it’s not always that helpful.
So what is an ideal? We all have them. We’ve all known people that are overly idealistic and while those people can be enjoyable to be around and make for engaging conversation, sometimes such people can appear a little naïve. I may be one of those kinds of people at times. The dictionary defines “ideal” as person or thing regarded as perfect, or a standard of perfection, a principle to be aimed at. I realized that the reason ideals can get us in trouble is because they do involve some personal vision of perfection. I have written about perfection before and how it can be an unhealthy concept since a) we all have different ideas of perfection and b) to my knowledge perfection has never been reached, so do expectations of perfection do us a disservice? I believe at times they can.
If by definition an ideal represents some state of perfection, one that either cannot be reached, or cannot be reached easily or quickly being dogmatic about your ideals can lead to rigidity in thinking, it can also put you in a “future mindset” too easily when problems exist in the here and now. For example you may hold the ideal that war is pointless, unnecessary and we should all live in peace. I love it, and I’m on board. But unfortunately there is war. And while I do believe that we may someday get to a place where we find better ways to resolve conflicts than through war, it’s not clear that will happen anytime soon, and there is always the possibility that war may always exist, despite how obvious alternate solutions might be. So given that there is war, we can’t get caught up in an ideal of world peace that we forget to treat soldiers humanely who have been injured physically and emotionally and give them the medical and psychological treatment they need during, and after their service. Hell even the immutable physical law, the Ideal Gas Law which describes the relationship between pressure, temperature, and volume of a gas doesn’t really exist. The law describes how a gas would behave under ideal conditions. Ideal conditions that while we can get close to we have been unable to reach. So it’s important to remember that ideals are just that, and not in anyway a truth we can find in the present.
There are many fine and lofty ideals out there. It’s easy to just start thinking, I wish the world could just see things my way and it would be a better place, but that isn’t likely to happen. But I don’t think ideals are a waste of time. The part of the definition of an ideal that I like the most is it being something to aim at. Ideals are like far away targets and it’s easy to imagine yourself hitting the target, but instead we should simply see it as a direction to head and not worry so much about whether we get there. Focus on the journey and pay attention to what is actually happening. It could be that solutions in the present don’t necessarily conform to your ideals but they are the right thing to do for the time that you live in.
Well between being a dad and a professor, blogging has taken a backseat. This of course doesn’t stop the ideas from flowing, so I just thought I’d get at least one of them out even though I’m having to wake up at 5:30 am to do it!
My blog post is once again inspired by my son. One of the things my son likes to do is drink, whatever we might be drinking, from our glasses. I find myself enjoying this quite a bit, because it’s clear that he wants to do things like we do. At times he will often try picking up our glasses and try to drink from them, with of course disastrous results, but his drive to be like us is clearly strong. The reason why I enjoy this so much though is because there is something wonderful just being around someone who is clear is striving each day to be more than they are. You might say, well of course babies/children strive to be more than they are, because they have to grow and develop those basic cognitive and locomotive skills. So I know I’m not saying anything groundbreaking, but it made me reflect on a number of things that I think have meaning at any age, and gave me some important reminders as I move forward in life both as an individual and parent.
As I was reflecting on this last night it occurred to me the importance of failure. While, as parents we marvel at our child’s successes I wonder how often we think of their failures. If I really start to think about it I know that every achievement of my
son is built on the back of many more failures. Whether it was a failure sit up, stand up, walk, or clutch an object in his hands, these activities failed numerous times before he was able to master them in any meaningful way. And it occurred to me that if you are not failing at anything right now, you quite simply are not growing. In these early stages of life the failure to success ratio is high. My son is constantly reaching in ways that exceed his grasp, but is undeterred by failure and this is something I find wonderful and inspiring. While he still needs help sipping from a drinking glass because he cannot lift it up to his lips in a controlled way on his own, I know that he will get it. Sometimes I wonder if I slow his progress by helping him though. He’d probably learn a lot faster if I let him fail more often, but of course the amount of spills I’d have to clean would be a drain on my time and resources. It takes away from other things that I could be doing which would be important for parenting or important for myself. And of course in some cases these failures might be detrimental to him as well. We need fluids, and if we are constantly spilling ours then we aren’t getting the sustenance we need. This is, of course, one of the things we must balance in life. Doing an activity that we’ll fail at is an energy cost, and thus we must have energy in excess to afford to fail. Growth implies risk, and risks can be costly. That doesn’t change the fact that without taking risks we tend to stagnate.
Sometimes my son even enjoys falling. 🙂
So what deters us from this completely necessary quality of risk? Since risk involves the uses of resources and energy, there are environmental factors that simply put limits on the risks we can take. The beautiful thing about children (and often scary at times) is that they think nothing of the risks they take. No matter how many times he fell trying to walk, or get down from the sofa or bed, he still did it. As we grow and become aware of more things we learn restraint. If I lived in one of many places in Africa where clean drinking water is scarce, one of the things I would make dead sure of is that I didn’t leave a glass of drinking water within in reach of my son, because drinking water is precious and we could ill afford to have any spilled. So the risks we are willing to take or let others take are governed by the energy and resources (or the perceived energy and resources) we have available to us. I think this is something we forget. It is very common in the world to denigrate the poor and criticize them for not lifting themselves out of their poverty. Since risk leads to growth, and risk is at least partly a function of the security of energy and resources in our lives, those that have limited resources simply cannot achieve as much as those of us with privilege can achieve. While there are always remarkable stories of people crossing that boundary, on average a person who starts off with more will always have the potential of achieving more. Therefore we’d be well served to stop judging those in poverty and that they require our compassion to help raise them up. Should I wish to let my son fail at drinking water from a drinking glass I have the resources to supply him with endless amounts of water. It seems that the path to a better society comes from those of us who have an excess in resources finding a way to create an environment for those in need to have some minimum level of security so that they feel safe to take risks.
Our inability to take risks can also be impacted by our memories of failures. There comes a point where feelings of failure can be somewhat traumatic. It can make us not want to try something again. I have postulated, not sure if it’s true, that one of the reasons why babies don’t form a lot of memories is because if they did they might be scared to take risks. This is something that a young child absolutely has to do just to be able to master basic movement and communication skills. My son has fallen hard at times, and after a few minutes he is back trying the same thing again. This short term memory seems a blessing at this age but it won’t last forever. Of course if we reflect on failure we would see that it is teaching us something, and that we probably should worry about failure a lot less than we do. If you’ve tried something a number of times and still failed, well maybe the lesson to be learned is to not do that activity anymore. That in of itself can be a success. Learning about what you can’t do, moves you in a different direction to try things that you have a better chance of succeeding. If energy and resources are finite then there is wisdom in not continuing in an activity once we realize that it is beyond us. This means the only truly detrimental failure is the failure to never try.
My son, failing to use cutlery in any meaningful way. 🙂
It’s easy once you get to the age of 40 to play it safe. Likely your life is already full of failure and it’s simple to say “enough is enough” and just survive. I was joking yesterday with my wife, given the extremely fast rate my son is figuring out how to use an iPad (and believe me we don’t give him a lot of access) that maybe that’s why kids always have to figure out technology for their parents, because once you have kids it’s easier to stop learning and let them (who learn things much faster and easier than you) do it for you. Ultimately this is not the type of person I want to be. I want to continue to grow, and over the last couple of months I’ve realized there are numerous areas of personal growth that I want to achieve and while I may like myself, to rest on my laurels would also be a mistake. I watch my son attempt tasks that are beyond his abilities and must remind myself that I must never stop trying to push my limits, and to take chances doing things that have a high chance of failure. It’s surprising how cautious we become as we age. It seems that perhaps the real secret to staying young is to maintain at least a shred of fearlessness and at least an ounce of self-confidence that defies what we think we know of ourselves. I must also remember to turn my parental instincts in a way that supports experiences of failure for my son. I’m not saying that I would intentionally cause him to fail, but only to remember that loving my son is not about preventing him from ever failing, but rather allowing him to fail, and stepping in at the right time to help him learn the most from his failures. So smile at your failures. They got you this far, and here’s to hoping you have many more.
I was reading a little note in history this morning that sparked my thinking. It was the story of how Washington D.C. was born; a place that didn’t belong to any state, and was federally controlled. Apparently it all started because of unpaid bills; particularly because a large majority of the soldiers in the revolutionary war never got paid. In one military camp in 1777
George Washington (a general at the time) wrote that more than a quarter of the 10,000 men stationed there were suffering from malnutrition and did not even have shoes. Not surprisingly they died. The stories of how much the soldiers from the revolutionary war suffered are startling really. Many of them used their own money initially because they weren’t getting paid and by the end of the war many were destitute and sometimes in debt themselves. Once discharged from the army many of them faced debtors prison. So a group of soldiers from Pennsylvania mutinied and marched to Philadelphia to demand their wages from congress. The state of Pennsylvania refused to use the state militia to defend congress and sided with the mutineers. The mutineers joined with troops in Philadelphia and surrounded Independence Hall 400 strong demanding their wages. Though angry they never opened fire or killed anyone. Congress refused to submit to them, considered them dishonorable and instead congress simply fled. Eventually they decided that they wanted congress to convene in a place that did not have to depend on the states for their safety. Thus Washington, D.C. was born.
In addition to finding this historical fact interesting, it made me realize that we haven’t changed a whole lot in regards to our attitude towards those who fight for us. Although I am a pacifist, I am also compassionate. I wrote a blog post before about how I don’t really understand why anyone would choose to have someone else tell them who they should kill, that doesn’t mean I think soldiers deserve to be treated inhumanely. And the fight for independence from an oppressive state is a just cause to fight. But I look at the 40 years of history and see how soldiers were treated after Vietnam and after our most recent and ongoing conflicts and it is clear that there is a fundamental disregard towards the soldiery who do make great sacrifices. And don’t get me wrong, I am not one to believe that all military are heroes or that there aren’t people who aren’t heroic in other walks of life. This disregard I speak of is not the rhetoric of clueless hippies who would spit on a veteran or jeer at them and call them killers, but I am talking about the disregard from those who would get them to fight and yet not suffer the same fate that many of the soldiers go through. Soldiers going without proper nutrition, proper equipment, proper medical care after or during their service should be the shame of any civilized nation (and don’t worry I’m sure the U.S. is not alone in the treatment of soldiers).
Although not a shocker it really hit home, that with but a few exceptions, politicians are the true cowards. Whether the conflict be just or not, they move the soldiery like pawns to where they want and then, fight the battles that they deem important (whether supported by the general public, or sometimes they lie to the general public to justify the conflict) while never depriving themselves of any of their needs. I think back to those congressmen fleeing Philadelphia, never having to worry about their pay, their nutritional needs, despite the debt they had racked up for the fledgling country. And nothing has changed since the country’s inception, including the fact that we still rack up massive amounts of debt for these military ventures. John Fogerty’s song “Fortunate Son” is an excellent reminder about how even the children of those in congress were protected from going to war, while those that are poor are considered expendable and cannot get out of the draft. I will never understand how
PTSD just one of the many injuries sustained by veterans during war, and one that is most often ignored historically.
those we elected to serve the people enjoy so many more privileges than those who they send to fight the wars that they deem necessary. Maybe that’s why I have such a hard time understanding why someone would join the military because who wants to fight for a group of politicians, who for the most part demonstrate less honor and nobility than they expect you to have as you kill for your country? Why should one sacrifice their one existence on this Earth for somebody who is unwilling to do the same, but is happy enough to send you to fight their battle? Either way it seems to me that we should be taking care of our veterans properly. Those politicians who treat the soldiers like pawns are easily replaced. In fact that’s kind of the point of democracy is that politicians can and eventually will be replaced for one reason or another and the country will go on. Thus there is no additional value to their life than is there is to the soldiers and vets. And on a final note, let’s do something about the large amount of poverty, income inequality, weakening education system and deteriorating infrastructure so that those soldiers can at the very least feel like they fought for something. I am not taking sides politically, I think the issue of taking care of those who need it the most is one that crosses party lines. I am exhausted watching politicians speak rhetoric, distort the truth, outright lie, and play games while the world burns around them only to see them get pay raises, most of their expenses paid, receive kickbacks from lobbying groups and essentially walk away from Washington far richer than when they walked in. So you can be mad at the Michael Moores or the Seth Rogens for their comments about the military (of course those comments are misinterpreted) but the ones that truly don’t really care about those that fight their battles for them are in Washington, D.C. – the city built to absolve themselves of responsibility to their military.
The discussion of free speech has once again risen up after the Charlie Hebdo massacre. For some interesting reads please take a look at this article on the Ethics of Free Speech and this article that presents a Muslim’s perspective on the situation. Many of the ideas in these articles are important and so I wanted to throw them out first so that I don’t repeat their points too much. If you’re too lazy to read them (I barely had time to write blog posts anymore so I understand)though I’ll list some important points that are guiding my thoughts right now:
The argument for freedom of speech often gets turned into a “Those who want that freedom” and “those that don’t”. This is a false dichotomy because generally the disagreement lies where along a spectrum of “Freedom” we must draw the line on free speech.
Is freedom of speech always a good thing?
Words have power
When the news broke about what happened in France on January 7th, I have to say my reaction was not one of surprise. Muslim extremists are nothing new, and given the anger that was sparked when Danish cartoonists depicted the prophet Mohammed in their publication, I just wasn’t surprised.
Now this not to say that I didn’t think it was a terrible tragedy. Of course it is. I don’t want anyone to think that my position is that those at Charlie Hebdo got what was coming to them. There is a difference between not being surprised and thinking such an act of violence against them was deserved. There is no question that these Islamic extremists have got it wrong. They don’t understand their faith, they will fail in achieving whatever dream world they want to live in, and they will simply cause more harm to others and themselves with time. I can say that with certainty, in the long run, they will fail to get what they want and it is clear that all good people should and do oppose their aims.
Before looking at Charlie Hebdo let’s take a closer look at this whole cartoon depiction of Mohammed stuff. Perhaps by putting things into context you will understand why I was not shocked to find that this happened. First, we can agree that killing somebody over such a thing as a cartoon, no matter how offensive,
From the South Park Wiki. The picture of Mohamed was available, but I chose to show Buddha instead. I’m okay with that. 🙂
is ridiculous. That being said it is not unreasonable for someone to be offended when their religion is ridiculed. People do it all the time, they just don’t go all the way to killing somebody. I am sure there are many other moderate and peaceful Muslims who were offended by Charlie Hebdo or the Danish cartoons previously. And of course some number close to 100% of them never killed anybody over it. Satire, comedy and comic depictions of religious figures is not new, but it is relatively new. Such things quickly got you killed in Europe not so long ago if you tried to ridicule Christianity or religious leaders. And while I believe the world as a whole, on average, progresses forward in terms of morality and reason, there are pockets of people going in reverse. As an example, I find it interesting that prior to 9/11 there was no outcry about a South Park season 5 episode in which various deities from other religions banded together to save the day. I guess Mohammed was not ridiculed but still a cartoon is a cartoon. This episode was even available after 9/11 for a number of years and has only recently been pulled. I guess it was off the radar for awhile and perhaps South Park Studios didn’t want to take the chance anymore. The point is that the backlash against Islam post 9/11 seems to have had a more polarizing impact on Islam and the west, such that those who wish to do us harm have looked for more reasons to do so. Therefore, it seems to me, those who perpetrated the attack on Charlie Hebdo would have likely found another target had they not been drawing cartoons, but their doing so simply added them to a list of possible targets. Crazy people generally don’t have good reasons to cause such harm, so should we be surprised that in a country with a lot of Islam vs French tension, where a magazine is ridiculing Islam that this simply puts them on the radar of the crazy people? Personally I don’t think so.
Now let’s get back to freedom of speech. We can also agree that it’s important, but just because you have the freedom to say something that doesn’t mean you should. If you’re wife asked you if she looked fat in something, then you would have the freedom to tell her the honest truth, but I think you know how well that will work out for you. Also having freedom doesn’t necessarily mean that there aren’t consequences for exercising that freedom, and law may have very little to do with it. In truth, I have the freedom to go and kill somebody. But there are consequences to that action. Those consequences may simply be a fear of getting caught, more often than not though it is our own moral center that prevents us from doing such a thing. We may even have a good reason to do so, but I also think about what my friends and family would think about me, how I would provide for my child, the times I would miss with my family, etc. We are free to do a lot of things when you think about it, but our choice to act on those freedoms must be weighed against the consequences of our actions.
One of the Charlie Hebdo satirists said “We can’t live in a country without freedom of speech. I prefer to die than to live like a rat” in regards to whether he was
worried about angering Muslim extremists. While I can feel a certain amount of respect for someone who lives by their convictions, I do wonder about the value of that conviction. Of course, the chance of dying from a terrorist attack in the west is extremely small, and perhaps if he knew that there was even a 10% chance of being a target of Muslim extremists, he might not have been so sure of himself. I am also opposed to religious extremism (or really any kind of extremism) but if I am going to have convictions on the matter that are worth dying for, satirical cartoons seem like a strange way for me to take a stand. If we want to defeat extremism, are satirical cartoons helping the situation? I doubt if any extremist has looked at one of their cartoons and said to his fellow crazy Jihadists “Hey guys…you know what…I didn’t get it before but this cartoon has really shown me we’re being ridiculous. Let’s just relax and maybe talk to some more moderate imams about interpreting the scripture in the Koran more carefully”. Furthermore it seems one of the best way to quash Islamic extremists is actually by having most of the Muslims who are more moderate on your side. Doing something that most Muslims find offensive, might not anger them into attacking you, but it doesn’t exactly win their hearts. Therefore if anybody thinks that drawing satirical cartoons of Mohammed is in any way taking a stand against Islamic extremists then you are quite simply wrong. It does nothing but divide people. At best, those who appreciate the cartoons are a group of secular intellectuals who appreciate the wit and who already agree with the points you are making. At worst, those who appreciate the cartoons are bigots wishing to eradicate all Muslims from their country. The point is, such cartoons aren’t helping and are most likely making things worse.
What people seem to forget is that 1) being right isn’t always the most important thing, and that 2) even if you want to be right there are multiple ways to make your point. Richard Dawkins is right about a lot of things, and yet many people, even humanists, atheists, and agnostics think he’s an asshole. In thinking about these cartoons, I was reminded about my confrontation with the gay bashing fundamentalist Christians who came to our campus. I asked the main guy point blank “Even if you are absolutely 100% right do you think that your offending and insulting them is going to convince them to your point of view?” He was sure that they were going to hell and so he felt that what he was doing was the strongest most direct way to get them to change their sinful ways. Anybody else of course can see that such anger and unkindness would never win the hearts of those they intend to save. The only people who are supporting them are those who already agree with them. So even though Islamic extremists are crazy, they don’t understand their faith, they cause harm, and their actions will ultimately cause them to fail to achieve their over arching aim, how we expose the extremists for what they are is just as important. Being martyrs is one of those possibilities, but the freedom to draw cartoons of the prophet Mohamed just seems like a silly way to make that stand.
Freedom of speech is an extremely important one to a free society. Speech has the power to sway. As it sways it can raise the consciousness, inspire, and lift men and women to more. However, speech also has the power to divide, misinform, offend, anger, and mislead. To quote Uncle Ben Parker “With great power, comes great responsibility”. I don’t wish for any government to censor publications like Charlie Hebdo. Taking away freedoms doesn’t help the situation either, and is never an answer to terrorism (i.e. The Patriot Act). Nevertheless, no matter how “in the right” we think we might be, let us also think about how we communicate our message. Freedom of speech is an important one to fight for, but there are many other good things to fight for and so it’s important to not get so lost in one fight that we start to lose the others.
I write this letter to you because I know that time changes our memories and feelings about events, and I wanted you to know what I was feeling in the first year of your life. I also wanted to let you know who I am now, and maybe what I’ve become as a result of you being in my life.
I will begin with the day you were born. We were at the hospital already. One of many trips we had taken in the last couple weeks as your mother’s blood was racing in excitement for you being born. Well that’s a nicer way of saying she had abnormally high blood pressure and we need to check her health and yours. We knew that day, which was 3 weeks before your due date, there was a possibility they would want to take you out to make sure she was safe, and that is exactly what ended up happening. I’ll proudly admit that I was rather calm. Perhaps because I had to do none of the hard work, but I also have a lot of faith in statistics. Problems with deliveries in our part of the world are rare, and we were at one of the best hospitals in the area with excellent doctors and nurses. I just knew everything was going to be alright, and I just wanted to make sure that your mother and you were fine and be calm and as in control for her as I could be. Since all the hard work was your mothers, my panicking would have served little purpose anyways. As they induced labor on your mother she got contractions quickly, and they started to impact your heart rate and so they decided that a cesarean section was necessary. They wheeled your mother away and got me suited up so that I was sanitary and when they let me into the operating room they told me to not touch anything covered in blue. The whole room seemed to be covered in blue and it was frightening obstacle course to get to the small stool next to your mother. I held her hand and she smiled at me. There was a large curtain separating the bottom half of your mother from our eyes so I couldn’t tell what they were doing. Apparently they were making a big slice into your mother and taking you out. The nurse handed you to me, all swaddled in apparently the same towel design they use in every hospital in the United States. You were born at 9:59 pm on Dec. 27th, 2014 at 5 pounds 5 ounces, 19 inches long. You were so light and I looked at you and said to myself “So that’s it then?” But your mom was tearing and she was too drugged up to really hold you. You were so light and I brought your face close to hers and she smiled and cried at how beautiful you were. I think it was a different experience for her. She carried you around for almost 9 months and could feel her body change and feel you grow. I would say at first I was more like a curious scientist, observing the whole process. It did not feel like you were my son yet. I hope that this doesn’t make you sad if you read this someday. I was emotional because your mom was, but I have to say I didn’t feel like a father yet.
For the rest of that evening I continued to play the scientist as I watched them put you in a little warmer since you were so tiny, and found it humorous that you were under a heat lamp like a burger at a restaurant. My feeling of being a father wouldn’t come until the next day when you didn’t have to be in the warmer anymore and we had be moved to our post delivery room and you were being fussy and unhappy and I picked you up and you quieted right down and became peaceful in my arms. It was at that moment that my eyes begin to water. I felt like you knew you were safe. And I felt like you knew you were with your daddy and I knew you were my son. And I knew that once someone feels safe with you, that you must be responsible so that they always feel that way. I began to feel this surge within me out of nowhere, wanting you to be healthy and strong, wanting to make sure that I safely guided you to be someone that could handle this world that can be both terrifying and wondrous at the same time. My head began to fill with dreams of what you would look like walking and talking, and questions you might ask, advice that I would give you, nursing tears and sharing joys. That’s when you know you are in love, and that’s when I knew I was in love with you.
But time teaches you patience. Perhaps that’s one advantage of having a 40 year old father. As I process this past year I think about all the amazing moments I’ve been able to see. These moments are small in comparison to what any human is capable of, but they remind me that in the process of growth even the most insignificant things can be great triumph because they happen along the way of great journeys. And you have a great journey ahead of you. I remember your first smile, the first time you opened your hands, your eyes following an object around the room for the first time, your first steps, your first crawl. However, if I were to pick a favorite moment, when I think of your first year, is the first time you made vocalizations. It happened one evening in between the age of 2 and 3 months. It was like for the first time you wanted to greet the world. It’s like you suddenly realized that you were no longer an extension of your mother, but you realized you were a separate individual entity and you wanted to announce your presence. Or perhaps it was that for the first time you realized that the world wasn’t just happening to you, you could happen to the world and you were just glad to be alive. You made the cutest gurgling noises, and were smiling and waving your little arms about. Your mother and I laid at your side on the bed and we just watched you. It was the most entertaining and amazing thing I’ve ever seen and your mother and I were incurably happy next to you. We would look at each other and just knew that as tiring as this might be some times it was also going to be incredibly rewarding and full of joy. We knew what family meant, and we felt an incredible amount of love for you and each other.
Tomorrow you will be a year old. You are now eagerly walking around and getting into all sorts of trouble. You are curious and exploring and it reminds me how important the process of movement is to discovery. In human history, the building of boats, cars, rockets, they all have allowed us to discover and learn more. Now that you can move the rate in which you will discover grows exponentially and I find myself continually blown away at how quickly your strength, dexterity, and intelligence grows. As I look back on the day I first fell in love with you I realize that my love was a beautiful house that is empty on the inside, and each day you fill that house with amazing memories. That love is now a home, and we are happy there, and excited for all the new memories that will fill that home. Sometimes I get really scared that something might happen to you, and that being in that home alone without you, with only those memories to look at, would be the saddest thing imaginable. But I would not dishonor your joy by getting lost in those fears. I keep in the back to keep you as safe as possible without taking away from your desire for self-determination and knowing that ultimately what we learn from risk and failure is as important as any other way there is to learn.
My heart is full of love and excitement because as your development continues I can show my love for you in so many new ways and I am anxious for you to experience it. I am also anxious to experience your love in new ways also. Though my appearance may change little, make no mistake that we are growing together. And as I sit here and write this I know one thing for certain. There are no words to express how much of a gift you truly are to my soul. It will take a lifetime together as father and son for those words to manifest and even then it will be in no language that can be spoken, but I guarantee that you will know it.
A friend of mine asked me a few months ago “What are your weaknesses?” After mulling it over for a couple of minutes, to be honest, I couldn’t think of any. Now don’t start thinking I’m a smug bastard, I know for a fact that I am far from perfect. Then I thought, well I am not quite sure what my strengths are either. I guess the way I have to come to view myself is a work in progress. It seems to me that trying to determine what strengths and weaknesses are is tricky business. I might say that I worry too much, but at some level worry brings about a level of awareness that might help you act or reach a solution. Worrying too much is obviously a problem though as it can be draining and waste time. Not worrying at all, might also be dangerous as it may make you apathetic to important things. I used to be a huge worrier, but I always looked at it as a quality that was part of a spectrum from too much worry, to not worrying at all, and that there was a healthy balance in there. So it wasn’t so much that worrying was a weakness but that I had to find an appropriate way of using that “worry” towards being constructive and not destructive. And I always felt that worrying was better than apathy. To me, all strengths and weakness are not an either, or, but rather qualities that lie on a continuum between two extremes and thus any weakness may have some important qualities that we simply need to foster more.
If I say that my strength is kindness, does it mean I don’t have room to grow? Does it mean that I couldn’t be more kind? I have never been one to simply rest on laurels as I think it is important to strive each day to be more than we are (provided we are lucky enough to live in an environment where we have such an opportunity and are not fighting for basic subsistence needs like so many in this world). Our strengths might manifest themselves in different ways. While I may be kind, how I show that kindness may not be the right way for that particular situation. Sometimes “tough love” is the best way to deal with a particular situation. Some people respond to a stricter approach, drawing definite boundaries. Some people respond better to you when you are sensitive, soft-spoken and supportive. Some people might respond to both depending on the situation. It takes time and experience to gain the wisdom to know how best to be kind to those around you. Should I say it is a fault or a weakness when I show kindness in a way that makes sense to me, but is not received as such to the other person? Or should I simply reflect and say, “I am glad my heart was in the right place, but I need to do better.” And what if the person you are showing kindness to, feels grateful, but isn’t good at showing it? As I’ve mentioned before, one of the amazing parts about life is that we never know how we may impact others. Someone might be angry or frustrated with you in the moment, but only realize the kindness you showed years later.
In the end I would say that my greatest strength is that I feel I value good things like happiness, learning, compassion, self-reflection, equality, a strong work ethic, and humility, and that my weakness is that I am incomplete in demonstrating those qualities to a capacity I am completely comfortable with. And that I may not be aware of the importance of other character traits that might make me and this world a better place. And I accept that not only will this “weakness” never go away, but it might also be the very thing that allows me to become stronger, wiser, and appreciative of life in new ways all the time. And so, in what might be a somewhat ironic way, the parts of me that I will not change, are the various things that allow me to change. After all, why would I want to be the exact same person all my life, as if that were even possible? 🙂
Well it would seem that a group blog idea with a weather and climate theme has fallen apart, and so I’ll have to do my blogging about it here instead. Several months ago I began what I hoped would be a 3 part series, themed around the John Oliver’s “Last Week Tonight” Episode on the climate change debate. In my first blog post I wanted to try and investigate what type of people don’t accept the evidence on climate change, based on my own experience in getting into various discussions on the topic with people outside my discipline. In this blog article I’d like to take a look at the actual media portrayal of the problem which was more the central theme of John Oliver’s segment.
If you haven’t watched the clip, John Oliver critiques the media for having one person who accepts the scientific evidence, with one person who denies it, saying that this gives an unfair representation of the scientific consensus on the issue. Over 97% of the scientific literature from over 10,000 scientists across earth and biological sciences have concluded that human induced climate change is a fact, making it appear as though it is a split issue is quite simply dishonest. And this absolutely true, but it is in fact even worse than that.
The 50-50 split looks even more in favor of the deniers when the media is always using the same person to represent the scientific side. If you watch many interviews on the subject you might actually get the picture that it seems to be only one guy who thinks human-induced climate change is real while many other people don’t think it’s happening. If you always saw the same guy “for” an issue and many other people on TV saying they are “against” it would be somewhat natural to think that the “against” side had a better argument. Of course you’d be wrong in thinking that. This is called the “Appeal to Popularity Fallacy” (or ad populum for you Latin Lovers). An extremely common one used nowadays. Of course as it turns out, it is the logic of the arguments and the strength of the evidence that makes for who has taken the correct issue on the stance. Of course there are many biases and fallacies that we naturally gravitate towards because it is in our evolution. Being the outcast in a group didn’t get you very far early in our evolution and the same is in a large part true today. Although generally today, no matter how different you might be, with a large population you are likely to find a group to connect with. But in terms of genetic history being an outcast in a group of social animals who may be relatively isolated from other populations doesn’t really give you anywhere to go, and since survival on your own is more difficult “following the herd” is part of who we are. Of course, in this instance, there is no real punishment for accepting scientific evidence but sometimes I think our wiring doesn’t really care.
The 50-50 perception unbalances even further when you consider who Bill Nye. Now don’t get me wrong. As a scientist, I know he’s
a scientist, and that he has the ability to not only understand the issue, speak intelligently about it, and accept the hard work done by so many scientists to reach the conclusions they have about climate change. But to the public there are a lot of negatives about Bill Nye that would make his credibility more suspect, especially to people who are on the fence or deniers themselves. First of all Bill Nye is not a climate scientist. He is not an expert in the field of climate science and as such this will weaken his credibility as an advocate. In fact Bill Nye is most famous for his use of science concepts for educating children. Climate change is a very adult issue that will require adults in government and voting adults to accept the scientific evidence and put forth appropriate policies to address the issue. Bill Nye is also a celebrity and many people have negative attitudes towards celebrities who get involved in issues that are political. In Canada, David Suzuki is a very famous scientist and naturalist, but is not very knowledgeable about the issue and so while he has tried to be advocate for climate change, he has not done very well when addressing even the most common fallacious criticisms put forth by deniers in a debate format. He was hoping his popularity would help change the minds of people, but in fact it has likely hurt those who might be willing to listen to a well reasoned debate on the subject. So I think Bill Nye may have similar impacts.
Now don’t get me wrong, because I am not convinced that the media is intentionally using Bill Nye for the purposes of misleading others. For them, he is a celebrity and known and will add a few viewers whether people have grown to hate him or love him. He is also an excellent public speaker, and he is also eager to break away from his previous persona as a scientist for children (honestly go back to getting children excited about science, I think it’s too late for congress now!). So what is the solution to making the debate fairer? John Oliver’s suggestion is not a bad one, but of course they are unlikely to get 100 people on the stage for a debate. We nerdy introverted scientists simply need to become better communicators. We need to get involved in educational outreach and scientific discourse at regional, state, and national levels. Since there are literally 1000’s and 1000’s of people researching this field and concluding that man is impacting the climate just as we hone our research and analytical skills we must also hone our communication skills so that we aren’t just contributing through the publication of an article in a scientific journal. And media, you could do a better job of finding actual experts to have on your programs. You could do a better job also by being honest and saying we know this is not even close to a split issue in the scientific community and have more debates about what the best way about addressing the issue is, rather than trying to debate whether it is an issue at all.
If you are interested in learning more about climate science, learn about what the common myths are about climate change and why they are not well reasoned arguments, and be able to investigate climate change science at various levels of complexities I strongly recommend this site called Skeptical Science.
In my time I have seen many celebrities and politicians fall from grace, whether it be due to drugs, criminal acts, violence, abuse (sexual and non-sexual). And while there were some who I found to be talented and that I respected because of their talent, there were none that I would say had any personal meaning to me. Many of them did to other people, and I would call those people foolish for defending to the end someone who is clearly guilty, someone who is clearly criminal. And for those who even accepted it, I never really thought about how hard it was for them.
I know I am not alone in my love for Bill Cosby. Many people my age and older grew up with him. My first exposure to Bill Cosby
was through his comedy recordings (for me on cassette and record). A friend exposed me to them early in high school and me and my friends would sit around laughing at his tales. He had such a talent for telling a story. A perfect mixture of embellishment and truth. Watching a couple of his videos, the part that you don’t get is of course his ability with facial expressions which make one laugh even harder. For me Bill Cosby was inspirational in his comedic ability and though I am no comedian, I would say he definitely influenced my humor and the way I make others laugh. And then of course there was the Cosby Show. One of the few shows that we would all get together as a family and watch. It was an extremely enjoyable show, and of course the social and cultural statements made by the show had, I think, profound impacts on the country as the show literally united white and black people around this black family each week. From then of course I saw him continue to promote the importance of education and a good work ethic. He continued to be an inspiration to many I am sure in the black community and a role model to many African-Americans.
So it was with a great deal of surprise, when it came out recently, that over a dozen women had come forward with charges against Bill Cosby of sexual assault. It appears that Bill Cosby did in fact drug and sexually assault these women. Such acts are despicable and make me sick to my stomach when I think of them and how they were described by the women. He was deceitful, calculating, invasive, and immoral. This was a hard pill to swallow (unlike the pills he apparently gave his victims). For the first time I was facing what many others have faced before; a childhood hero, guilty of horrible crimes. I wanted to fight it, and I tried to read lots about it before I could accept it in my mind. The more I read, the more shocked I became, and at some point I had to stop, because it was too hard to bear. More surprising than anything is that most of this surfaced 8 years ago, and I was only hearing about it now. It seems like even the media, which loves to watch angels fall, didn’t even want to see Bill Cosby sink to the depths.
In some ways it has helped reinforced why people have trouble changing their beliefs, whether it be about religion, politics, or whatever, because when facts overturn your beliefs in an instant it is a very tumultuous feeling. It is one you want to quickly get rid of, and often the easiest way to do that is to simply refuse to believe that new evidence. It leaves you feeling divided. Bill Cosby was cherished in my heart and now I feel like it has been ripped out of me and I wonder if I could be wrong about Bill Cosby, what other things that I cherish could I be wrong about? It is not a comfortable feeling.
It also reminds me that when it comes to heroes, when we idolize celebrities we are always running a risk, because what we see may be a very small portion of who they are. Maybe the true heroes in our lives should be those closest to us; the ones we spend time with on a regular basis, the ones we can talk with and listen to, and are reliable. It also reminds me that there is perhaps no perfection, and when we idolize someone to the point of perfection, this is also dangerous.
Maybe Bill Cosby was always like this, or perhaps his fame and fortune corrupted him to such actions; I guess we’ll never know. In some ways I’d have more respect for him if he at least admitted to his crimes and accepted the punishment. I don’t see that happening. He has been too big for too long, and he is much more likely to just hide and hope for all this deserved negativity to go away, in hopes that at least a majority of his fans might remember him in a positive light.
As my way of making peace, I want to say thank you Bill Cosby for all that you gave me personally throughout my younger years. I will not feel ashamed for all the laughter you brought me. For building you up as more than what you are, I take responsibility, but I do hope that somewhere in your heart you feel ashamed for what you have done. Principally of course to those women you violated, but also to a country you asked to take you into your home and to a culture you helped shape and asked that they look at you as an example of what a good black man could be.
Cloak Unfurled 